Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
