I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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