you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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