Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
