You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
