Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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