she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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