we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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