At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
