No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
