im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
