dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
