Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
