sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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