Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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