My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You made out with two different species that night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can feel your judgement through the phone
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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