Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
