i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
