i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
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just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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