O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
