We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
