That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
