can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
