dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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