in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
