Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
