Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
