There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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