Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize