U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
