How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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