My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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