Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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