oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
