Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
