You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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