sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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