The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
