Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

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(334): View more from Alabama

Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

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(404): View more from Georgia

He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".

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(613): View more from Ontario

He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work

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(641): View more from Iowa

As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...

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(770): View more from Georgia

Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there

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(949): View more from California

you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"

(949): View more from California

and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.

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