Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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