WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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