Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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