Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You were trust falling into bushes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
