he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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