I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
