I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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