but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
