How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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