got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
