I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
