I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
