Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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