you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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