I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize