Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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