oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize