Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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