trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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