So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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