I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
