So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
