She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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