i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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