I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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