You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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