he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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