I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
