You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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