party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I didn't notice because vodka
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
