apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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