just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
