JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
