You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
