I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've blown a few things in my day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
