I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
