I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
