just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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