WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She bit a glass in half.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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