Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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