I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize